


Phase Lost

by TurboToast



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Innuendo, One Shot, Pining, Spoilers, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 19:07:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20680430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurboToast/pseuds/TurboToast
Summary: After the universe is saved from the Calypso twins, Amara finds herself in a strange state of mind. Moxxi offers to lend an ear.





	Phase Lost

As she walked through the hallways of Sanctuary III lost in thought and with her shoulders drooping, Amara’s Echo suddenly lit up with a message. She stopped to open it, but as soon as she read the title of the message and the sender, she groaned and put the device away again. If there was one thing she didn’t need right now, it was her agent being upset about her not doing more — how did he phrase that? “Totally rad publicity stuff, bab- I mean, Tiger”?

Not right now.

Maybe not ever again, either. Not after what she’d been through lately.

After weeks of the ship being in panic mode twenty-four seven, now it just hung in orbit, like some sort of strange limbo. Usually, there was always something going on, but after Lilith went and sacrificed herself to close the Great Vault, it was almost eerily silent. Only the hum of the engine, the life support system and the occasional footsteps disturbed the silence. People spoke in hushed tones instead of yelling through the hallways. The threat of Tyreen Calypso becoming some sort of godlike being was gone, but now the Crimson Raiders had time to mourn. Unfortunately, there were a lot of people to mourn, and the burning phoenix on Elpis’ surface was a constant reminder every time one looked out of a window.

Amara wrapped her arms around herself and breathed deeply. Fighting for her life hadn’t left any time for being exhausted.

“Hey, sugar!” Moxxi called out to her and caught up, somehow, on those utterly impractical stilettos of hers. “Amara, hon, you seem down. Could I treat you to a drink, perhaps?”

With a wry smile, Amara stopped and turned towards her. “Sorry, but I don’t want to be drunk right now,” she said. Dulling her mind wouldn’t let her process this any faster.

“Aw.” Moxxi made a face at her. “I do have much more than booze to offer though,” she said and raised an eyebrow, fluttering her lashes. “I’m talking about some exotic juices and a listening ear, of course.” Even now, Moxxi apparently couldn’t stop the innuendo.

Amara gave an amused huff. “Alright. I suppose I don’t have anything better to do anyway,” she said.

“You know just what to say to a lady, don’t you,” Moxxi said and winked at her. “Come inside, then.”

When Amara sat down on one of the stools in Moxxi’s bar, some of the other patrons nodded and raised their glasses at her. She nodded back. None of them wanted a selfie with her or an autograph or anything of the sort. A few weeks ago, before the whole Calypso ordeal, she’d been appalled when nobody recognized her. After all, who didn’t know the Tiger of Partali? Not being famous and having to earn your respect had its upsides, though. Respecting her for who she was as a person was a nice change, for example.

“Well, sugar, do you have anything in particular in mind that tickles your fancy?” Moxxi asked.

Amara shook her head. “Surprise me. Just don’t make it too sweet. What do I owe you?”

Moxxi turned around and bent over to get at her fridge so lasciviously Amara had to look away for a moment. Did she do that to draw people in or get a reaction? If this was a character, Moxxi must thoroughly enjoy it.

“You’ve been talking to Marcus too much,” Moxxi said. “There’s a reason I divorced him, you know. Just tell me what’s bothering you.” She got back up with a bright green bottle adorned with an elaborate top.

Amara propped her elbows up on the bar and laid her head on one of her hands. With the other, she traced the countless marks scratched into the counter top. Talking had never been her forte.

“It’s a lot, and honestly, I don’t know where to start.”

Looking up from skillfully pouring Amara’s juice into a worn, but elaborately engraved tall glass, Moxxi gave an encouraging smile. “The beginning’s a good place jump in, usually,” she said.

Amara sighed. “I… didn’t really have much of a family,” she started, rubbing her temple with her thumb. “Didn’t have a place I really belonged. No real friends either. I’m famous on Partali, sure, but that was because I used these.” She held up a fist and turned it in front of her face, tracing the glowing tattoos that have been there since she could think with her eyes. “The weak liked me because I defended them, the violent feared me because I fought them whenever I could, and the powerful wanted to use me. I knew nobody like me and nobody got close to me. People tried.

“But they didn’t want to get close to me, they wanted to get close to a siren.”

Moxxi slid the glass over to her. She’d adorned it with a glitter umbrella and a spirally straw that had the same black and white stripes as her stockings. The juice inside was vibrantly green and completely opaque.

“Try it,” she said, and sat down on her own stool, making a show of crossing her legs. “I hope you like it a bit sour, sugar.”

Amara nodded, brought the tip of the straw between her lips and took a sip. Thankfully, Moxxi refrained from making a lewd comment. The juice tasted intensely fruity in a way Amara couldn’t place, and it let a pleasant zest wash across her tongue.

She set the glass back down. “I like it,” she said. “Thank you.”

“Oh, you’re welcome,” Moxxi said. “Must be tough, being a siren.”

Amara gave an affirmative hum. “Honestly, I didn’t know what I missed until I joined the Raiders. Lilith and Maya helped me understand things about myself I hadn’t even thought about before.” She wrought her hands, staring a hole into the bar. “Could you change the music a bit? It’s loud.”

“Of course, of course!” Moxxi hit a few buttons, and the nightclub beat led over into a quieter, slower melody. “Easier to talk this way, you’re right, hon.”

Amara took another sip. “Maya especially… After Athenas, she yelled at me once because I boasted about my accolades. She said I shouldn’t take this so lightly and told me to be more careful.” She sighed. “I thought she hated me at first.”

“Mhm, that girl had quite a few bad experiences,” Moxxi said and nodded.

“I had no idea people did that to sirens,” Amara continued. “She is — was — amazing. To go back to Athenas after what the monks there did to her? Truly remarkable.”

Moxxi raised her eyebrows. “She told you about that?”

“She did,” Amara said. “Turns out she didn’t hate me.”

“Just out of interest, did Lilith tell you the whole story about Handsome Jack and Angel?”

Amara shook her head. “No, Tannis did. I wonder how she managed to stay so calm. They were her husband and daughter, after all.”

Mouthing a silent ‘oh,’ Moxxi sat up much straighter.

“Anyway. I felt like I belonged somewhere for the first time here.” Amara shifted in her seat and stirred her juice with the straw. “Maya was so patient with me. She taught me a few things, too. Wasn’t like I had proper training for my powers. I miss her.”

Her gut twisted something fierce at the memory of seeing her dissolving into nothing, with that horrifically pained expression on her pretty blue lips. Amara blinked back tears.

“I miss her so much,” she almost whispered. “And now she’s gone. And Lilith is, too. Fuck, I don’t think I’ve even gotten to know her properly.”

Moxxi reached out over the table to brush across Amara’s hand. “Hey, hon, it’s alright. Cry if you need to.”

After a deep breath and another sip of juice, Amara steadied herself. During downtimes between missions, she’d spent hours with Maya and her little protege, talking about everything and nothing. Sometimes Lilith would join them, but she was almost always busy organizing something and keeping the whole operation from falling apart. The little blue dots under Maya’s left eye had shifted every time she laughed. She’d snorted when she laughed sometimes too, and it had been utterly adorable. Seeing her fight on Athenas had been an experience.

And then Troy Calypso had leeched the life out of her, with a smug grin on his stupid face.

She couldn’t have prevented it.

Looking back, it was a good thing she didn’t, even if it pained her. If she had, maybe Tyreen would’ve destroyed the whole universe by now.

“Those bastards made a show of it too,” Amara muttered. “With funny music and rewinds and everything. They’re dead now but I won’t ever forgive them.”

Moxxi gave an empathetic smile. “You can say that out loud, sugar.”

“I’d make them die a thousand deaths for what they did.” Amara looked up at Moxxi with half of a smirk. “Not the little ones, either.”

“Ha! No, they don’t deserve those.”

A comfortable silence spread between them, and Amara stirred the juice with her straw some more. The little particles floating in it swirled around slowly.

It probably wasn’t all that strange that she missed Maya the most. They’d shared one hug after Amara had come back alive and well from Skywell-27. She clung onto the memory of Maya’s warmth and that silky blue hair as if letting it slip away was a crime against humanity.

“Honey,” Moxxi said quietly, breaking the silence, “I hope you know you’re one of us now. You belong here. Doesn’t matter if you decide to go adventuring somewhere else, you have a home with us, no matter what that looks like.”

Amara nodded solemnly. “Thank you, that means a lot.”

The silence spread again. Sip by sip, Amara emptied her juice, focusing on the tingle on her tongue. When she was finished, she pushed the glass away, but plucked the glitter umbrella out of it. She spun it between her fingers.

“You’ve had a lot of partners,” she said, looking Moxxi in the eyes with a crease on her forehead.

Moxxi tilted her head to one side. “I did, yes, but a lady doesn’t kiss and tell. Well. Not unless they deserve it. Why? Do you need advice?”

“Maybe.”

“Just so you know, I’m probably one of the worst people you could ask about relationship advice,” Moxxi said. “I can do my best, but…”

Amara spun the words in her head, but the perfect phrasing never came to mind. She had to ask, though. Had to talk about it with someone.

“Have you ever had to mourn someone you were in love with?” she asked.

Moxxi opened her mouth to say something, but Amara interrupted her.

“I think I loved her.” She buried her face in her hands for a moment, and when she raised it again, her hands were wet with tears. “And I never got to tell her.”


End file.
